Day 25: What do you see when you look in the mirror

Humanity stands in an eternal line, arms raised to the sky,

while small globes of pearls adorn our fingertips,

containing all that we know.

but the fragile world we hold in our hands has turned into butterflies

and flown out of our grasp.

As the butterflies fly high into the clouds,

we scream in ecstasy as our worlds become pieces of heaven.

As the iced insects fall back to earth,

We cry for release as we see the damage the falling shards cause.

We see the blood, the death, the destruction that our worlds have caused

among those that we cared for.

When I look in the mirror, I see a man guilty of destroying the lives of the Dearest

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Day 24: Am I a Bad Influence

Coworker - "Hey man, I got a question."

Me - "What's up?"
Coworker - "Am I a bad influence?"

The question kinda threw me for a bit, and I got out of giving an answer by saying that since we didn't hang out together outside of work, I didn't really know what he was like and couldn't give an answer.

I thought about it.

And thought about it.

And thought about it.

My final line of thinking was that a man of bad influence has this negative influence because of a lapse of character. If this is constant, you could say that this person is character deficient. Stendhalian philosophy says that the way a lover acts towards a beloved is the truest way to judge their character. After one simple question, I was able to determine that under Stendhalian philosophy he was in fact character deficient.

Regardless of his situation, which is really none of my business nor can I do anything about it, I thought, "Well. . . am I a bad influence?" Given my recent year of college and the way I acted with peers etc etc etc., I find it fair enough to say that at Evangel, I was in fact a bad influence. Nowadays I wouldn't think quite nearly as bad, but just because you didn't kill as many as Hitler doesn't mean you're a saint either.

I find it strangely comforting to go throughout the day with this question in the back of my head. It's a great way to filter thoughts and actions, because it's not so much "Oh my gosh, how am I going to look good to this person and keep my goody-two shoes rep?". Instead it's "How can I live in such a way that won't cause others to stumble?"

Anyways, that's what I have for today.

Soli Deo Gloria.

Day 23: The Best

Ok, so in this whole quest to straighten my life out, I'm running into an interesting scenario. On the outside appearances I seem to have it together apparently, because I've had 2/2 people in the last coupla days go, "Wow, you're not such a goody two shoes like I thought you were." Which is neither here nor there. But here's what I'm worried about. I have the appearance of Mr Right even though I am not near Mr Right status just yet. However appearances are deceiving and I'm worried that girls in particular (I don't so much care for how a gay guy views me beyond as an individual) may look at me for a period of time, and go "Hey that guy is pretty neat. =)" Then they'll have feelings and things start getting messy. But here's just a thought I had which doesn't apply to my situation since I'm not Mr Right, but what if Mr Right isn't what we should be looking for, but Mr Right-For- Insert Person Here. The one right for us because God chose this person above all else for us. Just because a person is morally intact, they make mature choices, they follow God (if thats a requirement for you), doesn't mean they're necessarily right for you. Just a thought... idk. I may be way off base with this. Anyways.

Soli Deo Gloria

Day 22: _______ I Amn't

There are so many things I am not.

I am certainly not Gregory House, M. D. I do not have the bad leg, the medical smarts, or the wit for sarcastic remarks.

I am not a career musician. I lack the passion.

I am not a career writer. I lack the passion.

I am not a paramedic. I lack the smarts and the skills.

I am not a politician. I stink when it comes to lying and manipulation.

I am not a plumber or some other handyman. I'm not the best with tools.

I am not a public speaker, for I lack the ability to speak clearly.

I am not an actor, same reason.

I'm not _________, for I lack the passion.

I am called. That is enough.

Day 22: Gregory House I Amn't

So my leg's better, I walk normal. Swellings gone.

3.173 and Climbing.

Gregory House I Amn't.

Soli Deo Gloria.

Day 21: Fatigued

I've been trying to record what will be my final EP, and if luck was on my side this would already be done, but naturally my strings went out and I have to make a trip to Tyler to get them. Whilst waiting on them, I was reminded that I let one of my two #1 fans name the third album, "A Final Sunset", so I naturally decided to let the other name my fourth one. The unreleased fourth album will be released at the same time as the real fourth one, but when it's over, the discography will look something like this: "Solace in Serenity" (2008), "No Time Until Death" (2009), "A Final Sunset" (2009), "Through the Eyes of the Damned" (2010) (co-release), and "The Unapplauded Finale" (2010) (co-release).

Why am I quitting? Well that's a brilliant question, I'm glad you asked, because that gives me something to talk about. Well when I began "the Lavished Heart", it was a response to a. . . belief that God wanted me to go into music. so I dived wholeheartedly into it. I would never have started recording either had the female #1 fan (who named the "Through the Eyes" album) not made the comment she could go to sleep every night listening to me play. The result was $150 bucks in my pocket, some rough CD releases, 3 concerts, and a heckuva fun ride, but now lately I'm not feeling as drawn to music as I used to be, and I'm feeling that I'm being led away from it to pursue bigger and better things. However, I will bow out with grace, having fun in the process, which is what "Finale" and "Through the Eyes" are: me having fun. I totally redid one of my staple songs, and I've added a few tweaks here and there, but I'm also doing something I pretty much swore I'd never do on a CD release: worship music.

yeah. . . anyways.

The knee is still as bad as the day I injured it. Now I'm literally losing sleep to it. I finished Season 2 of House, and now I'm kinda going. . . what next? I could go on and on, but basically, I'm just living life a day at a time, trying to keep the focus where it belongs: on Him.

Soli Deo Gloria.

Day 20: Walk-ins.

I much prefer working to doing nothing at home. The leg's not getting better yet, and so I find it hard to move around the house and do all the things I'm used to doing. I've never let the grass get this high in either yard before, and I can't mow it because I'm a part-time cripple. I'm quickly finding why House grew bitter. Life sucks when you can't move as freely as you used to.

A friend of mine was talking about scheduling meetings with God, and he remarked that even though he missed the last scheduled meeting, it's ok because "at least God accepts walk-ins."

Life's been grand when I'm not sitting around like someone who can't pull his weight in his own house. If I do have glaucoma in my left eye (or both eyes, as it may be), life's going to suck. Somethings up with my eye. I was at 20/13 a year ago, 20/40ish the last time I went in to see the eye doctor a coupla weekends ago, and now its where I can't see an object fifteen feet away clearly with my left eye. My right eye is my saving grace, but I'm seemingly losing depth perception and peripheral vision. So PHYSICALLY I'm breaking down. Otherwise, which includes emotions and so much more, I'm improving.

Soli Deo Gloria.