I can hardly remember what it feels like to have somebody mean something to me. That's scarier to me than just about anything else I could imagine. I spent so many years feeling this great emotion for Bailey, and then Kaitlin, but these last few months have been full of pain and emptiness.
Nothing. Devoid of meaning. Like I sat around and did nothing for four months (Has it really been that long?) I hardly feel aliv. Sure, being awake in the daytime, switching stores, there have been some nice changes. Improvements. But what does it mean? Nothing.
I want somebody to share life with. To put a smile on somebody's face. To be the half of a whole. Someone who encourages me to be me. A natural love. I want to want a future with somebody. Comfort in a simple embrace.
I've felt that once before, and I miss it dearly.
I hate existing. I want to LIVE. Surely thats not so much to ask.
You mean somewhere between a friend and the world to me, but I want you to mean the world.
Confound it all, love
All terrors and fears
Guide me home
Safely through the years
Mark me. I'm yours.
Love, lead me home.
I once smiled, proud and confident, because I felt that I alone knew the true nature of love. That was a wondrous feeling. I didn't lose that at the breakup. It was when she moved on, when she couldn't stand talking to me anymore. When I truly lost my best friend. I lost confidence then, not in humanity, but in myself. I lost hope in what I could be, and I quit trying. What was the point of even trying? I had nothing to succeed for. I don't want some foolish American success. I want the family that I gave up in West & Main.
There can be nothing left for me, if not that.
There's the tale of two Bens.
There is who I want to be, and who I am.
I want to be a Darcy, someone who can be persuaded only by love to act. Aragorn, to whom time and distance mean nothing. A Creo, where the separation of death did nothing to quell the depth of his love. A Hansen, who is driven by his love that he will accept no end, except one where they end up together. A Thomas Hunter, whose newfound discovery of the true definition of love kindles a fire that leads a people.
And then there's who I am.
Love is the Father of emotion. It's not this cheapo idea that everyone buys into. It's so great, expansive, and full of meaning. Greater than a heartbeat. Greater than a self, and anything I've ever known.
How I miss it.
I believe in the power of love. I believe in what it can do to me. I believe I'll feel it again one day. I just wish that day would come soon. Sooner, rather than later.
Please.
Nothing. Devoid of meaning. Like I sat around and did nothing for four months (Has it really been that long?) I hardly feel aliv. Sure, being awake in the daytime, switching stores, there have been some nice changes. Improvements. But what does it mean? Nothing.
I want somebody to share life with. To put a smile on somebody's face. To be the half of a whole. Someone who encourages me to be me. A natural love. I want to want a future with somebody. Comfort in a simple embrace.
I've felt that once before, and I miss it dearly.
I hate existing. I want to LIVE. Surely thats not so much to ask.
You mean somewhere between a friend and the world to me, but I want you to mean the world.
Confound it all, love
All terrors and fears
Guide me home
Safely through the years
Mark me. I'm yours.
Love, lead me home.
I once smiled, proud and confident, because I felt that I alone knew the true nature of love. That was a wondrous feeling. I didn't lose that at the breakup. It was when she moved on, when she couldn't stand talking to me anymore. When I truly lost my best friend. I lost confidence then, not in humanity, but in myself. I lost hope in what I could be, and I quit trying. What was the point of even trying? I had nothing to succeed for. I don't want some foolish American success. I want the family that I gave up in West & Main.
There can be nothing left for me, if not that.
There's the tale of two Bens.
There is who I want to be, and who I am.
I want to be a Darcy, someone who can be persuaded only by love to act. Aragorn, to whom time and distance mean nothing. A Creo, where the separation of death did nothing to quell the depth of his love. A Hansen, who is driven by his love that he will accept no end, except one where they end up together. A Thomas Hunter, whose newfound discovery of the true definition of love kindles a fire that leads a people.
And then there's who I am.
Love is the Father of emotion. It's not this cheapo idea that everyone buys into. It's so great, expansive, and full of meaning. Greater than a heartbeat. Greater than a self, and anything I've ever known.
How I miss it.
I believe in the power of love. I believe in what it can do to me. I believe I'll feel it again one day. I just wish that day would come soon. Sooner, rather than later.
Please.
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