Day 6: Admissions

(Present Day)

I used to love you, but now I’m just in love with a memory; and that’s that hardest thing to admit to you.

One question I hate answering is “If your spouse died, would you remarry?” Most “What ifs . . . ?” really aren’t that bad, but this one is dependent on extreme tragedy. I honestly don’t think I would remarry, simply because my greatest tragic fault is that I fall in love with the idea of people.

The greatest example is R (funny how she remains the greatest example of my faults). We maintained very close communication for about two months, and since we’ve barely talked. All the same, from the time we’ve talked to now even, she remains the Picture Perfect of happiness, just a sweet & tender example of the picture of love. A small part of me is still drawn to her, despite all conscious and subconscious efforts to quench this desire; something I do only because I know that I am no longer in love with her, but rather with the idea of her.

I no longer know her! Yes, I can read her blogs, facebook-stalk her, myspace-stalk her, and I can ask all of my friends how they’re doing, and if they’ve heard from any of our fellow peers who graduated us, hoping to hear the words, “Yeah, funny you mention that. The other day I talked to . . .” But even if I know where she is, what she tweets, blogs or anything else, I still do not know her. Yes, I know her physical shape, her beautiful cheeks and countenance that has driven me mad for two years, but I still do not know her. I simply have my memories of what she was two years ago, back in 2008, when I was brave/foolish enough to talk to her. All these years, yet she is nothing more than a memory; yet that is enough.

In answer to the question above which has been posed to me many a time, I say I would not remarry. If I feel this way towards a girl I knew for two months, how much stronger will this feeling be to the woman I marry?