Conviction - The act of convincing, or compelling one to admit the truth of a charge; the act of convincing of sin or sinfulness; the sate of being convinced or convicted by conscience; the state of being sensible of guilt; as, the convictions of a sinner may be temporary, or lasting and efficacious. By conviction, a sinner is brought to repentance. Men often sin against the conviction of their own consciences.
So I had the night off for the most part tonight, but lately I've been convicted pretty heavily lately. Hence the now three part blog series in the space of three nights. Convicted of not spending enough time with my family. Convicted of lying to my parents. Convicted of being generally apathetic (see Pt. 1 for definition of apathy).
Convicted of being a resentful jerk.
Ok so maybe the whole February-June stretch wasn't exactly the best times of my life. It's not the Tale of Two Cities where it was the ultimate paradoxical paragraph that somehow opens up this classic when people can't even makes heads and tales of the opening sentence that borders on run-on status and. . . it was just the worst of times. And that's not entirely because it was just a horrible depressing stretch, but because it was the (peak?) of God-lessness. Like I'll say a million times from here on out if I haven't said it already, I'm not proud of anything that went on there. So having gone through extreme thought regarding everything that went on, analysis that will help me do the right from here on out (hypothetically anyways), I did what any self-righteous dumbhead would do - I harbored resentment.
Well, that's not entirely true. I still do. In an effort to kinda erase that as much as I can, I've completely (and happily, I confess) ignored Jace because bringing up the past in that way was a bit too close to home than me using it as a testimonial weapon to bring people to Christ (which so far to my knowledge has been ineffective anyways). So if she contacts me, it's like a plague-ridden leprous heretical illegal Muslim immigrant asked me to pop a pimple on their back - it ain't happening hun. I suffer through it, being short and sour and being in an all around negative mood. And it's even worse now with Kate around, because let's face it. I have a chance to do things right with this girl; I don't want to face the time of life where I made all the wrong decisions. It's like trying to win a basketball game when everyone is yelling "YOU BRICKED THE LAST SHOT! DONT SHOOT! PASS! PASS! PASS! PASS! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". And by everyone I mean the coach, your teammates, the announcer, your girlfriend, the angels that even care about basketball. . . the other team even.
Resentment. One of the many things I need to work on.
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