Day 117: The Pettiness of Pity

I'm so pitiful. And I hate it.
Once again I find myself pining over a girl that I've loved when she obviously doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Granted, the situation is a little changed from last time, given that the time I spent loving her we were actually in a relationship. I surely can't be expected to move on from eighteen months in just a week. These things take time I get that. But this was my future that I sacrificed and bled for that I lost. I fought against my family, and some of my friends, to do so.

Talking about it helps. Blogging helps too, but talking does help more. But one friend is a world away (or maybe just half), and there's a nagging voice in the back of my head that feels like a stupid idiot (the redundancy) for not being able to deal with it like a mature human being. Posting mopey facebook statuses, constantly checking their facebooks to wound myself more, it's just wallowing in my ever growing pool of blood.  

It's petty. It's pitiful. And I'll never move on like this.
Of course that begs the question, do I really want to move on?

That mankind would ever open up ourselves to such pain; to give someone else the keys to your happiness and watch them steal it away, is beyond comprehension. The trust that everything will go as planned and end in happiness is one in a billion. But that one in a billion is enough to make us spend our lives searching for it. If every break up hurts worse than the last, why do we continue to put ourselves through this?

Is it really worth it?